Broken
by Sadbooklover
Summary: Spock broke up with Jim can he how much of a mistake he made before it's too late?


A.N I own nothing it belongs to the awesome minds who made it. Wish I did and then I would not be writing fanfic's they would be doing it in the movies.

Jim sat on his captains chair watching Spock from the corner of his eye, he tried to block out who Spock was flirting with, but it was useless, he just couldn't forget who his love had left him for, It had happened only a month ago, he had walked into their shared quarters looking forward to talking to him maybe playing a chess game he decided to have a shower first, when he went to their cupboard to get his clothes, Spock's were missing, perplexed he walked through their shared bathroom to Spock's room as he opened the door he saw Spock, kissing Uhura. Shock and pain did not even begin to describe the feeling that crashed through him, Spock turned to face him when he entered the coolness and distaste in his eyes was like a punch in the gut to Jim who had become used to seeing softness and love. "Do you need something _Captain_?" He had asked still holding onto Uhura's waist. Jim couldn't ask him what he was doing so he left with tears in his eyes as soon as he was safely in his own room he broke down and cried, he had loved Spock so much he had showed him some of his past, he had shared his soul and then Spock had rejected him.

The last shore leave they had he went out and got drunk trying to feel something other than the excruciating pain that crippled him it was all that he could feel, he got drunk and picked up some stranger in the bar and tried to lose himself in the others body but he couldn't it felt like he was betraying Spock even though they had split up it got so bad he had thrown up and the man had left he just lay there in pain not able to leave everything hurt him, breathing was almost impossible, because there was a weight on his chest that stopped him from breathing properly.

When he had gotten back to the ship he had tried to sleep he was haunted by dreams of Spock and their love, so he took to not sleeping, he knew he looked haggard and wild, but he could not force himself to sleep the pain he felt even when asleep was killing him. He no longer felt anything but pain and Spock no longer looked at him for he could see the pain that he was causing Jim but didn't care to subject himself to looking at it, Uhura stood suddenly with a bright smile. "We're getting married." She exclaimed grabbing Spock's hand with a large smile Jim froze in his chair turning to look at them, he felt as if someone had jumped on the broken shards of his heart grinding them in the dirt. "Congratulations." He croaked trying not to feel as if the universe had stopped spinning.

"Excuse me." He said standing suddenly. "Spock you have the con." He said before almost running off the bridge he could feel the stares of all the bridge crew and could not bring himself to care, he ended up in his quarters laying on the bed staring at his hands a few days ago he would have said that he could not feel any more pain. But he was wrong this felt a thousand times worse he lay on the bed in agony tears falling down his face in a continues stream he didn't even bother to wipe them away anymore because before he had finished the action another tear took its did not, could not respond when the door chime beeped nor when the door opened he just lay watching the wall tears falling down his face. He could not respond to Bones whispered.

"Bloody Hell Jim."

He retreated into his mind to a place where it no longer hurt where the pain of his life and loving Spock couldn't touch him where ever breath he took wasn't agony, where there was nothing but happiness and his memories of Spock and him in those blissful months that they were together played over and over again so he could lose himself in his happy memories were he could avoid wondering what he did wrong, what he messed up that pushed Spock away.

*Bones POV*

I shook Jim trying to wake him, but he didn't wake. I whipped out my triquater and did a scan his brain function was almost nonexistent, he was also malnourished and sleep deprived. I quickly put a call through to sickbay and got some people to come and pick him up and transport him to sickbay, I watched him get worse over the past month but he avoided me but then in the past month he avoided everyone.

There was whispers saying that Jim had been in a relationship and they broke up even I snorted at that at first Jim had never been in a relationship, but I also watched him avoid Spock with a passion after seeing them together so much it was odd for them to not be seen together and that got me too thinking about how Jim's eyes lit up every time that Spock walked into the room and the pained glances he shot at Spock when he thought no one was watching and how one month ago Spock had gotten back with Uhura. It finally clicked for me that Jim was in love with the green blooded hobgoblin and they had broken up. It was only natural for Jim to be distort it was his first relationship after all.

I commed the bridge and told Spock to get his ass to sickbay not even bothering to tell him what it was about. I started him up on a drip to help with his malnourishment.

A few moments later Spock walked into the sickbay.

"You commed doctor?" He asked not even noticing Jim laying on the biobed.

"Yes I did you Green blooded Hobgoblin." I said with a scowl. "You broke him, now fix him."

"Who Doctor?" He asked still not looking at the biobed.

"Jim." I said looking down at the biobed deliberately.

Spock's gaze snaps to Jim who is lying on the bed looking pale and sickly. "You are mistaken doctor it was not me who caused the Captain to be sick." He said, his voice dropping a few levels into icy territory.

"Bullshit." I said with a scowl, "When you broke up with him you broke him, now fix him."

"I have no idea as to what you refer doctor myself and Captain Kirk, have never been in an intimate relationship." He said softly but deadly.

"Bullshit," I said again with a deeper scowl, "If you were just friends why did you stop talking when you started dating Uhura again?"

Spock just stands there impassively.

"Use your Vulcan mind whammy and fix this." I said, "If he goes any deeper into his mind he will not be able to be saved."

"Vulcan Mind Whammy? Doctor?" He asked raising that one perfect eyebrow.

I glared at him. "You know what I mean." I say handing him the triquater.

He looked over the readings and frowned finally some feeling. I thought to myself.

"These reading can't possibly be right." He said, before scanning him again. "Fine doctor I will initiate a mind meld with the Captain." He sat beside the bed and placed one hand against the side of Jim's face.

*Spock's POV*

My heart beat heavily in my chest feeling like it was going to stop beating at any moment but I ignored it since it was illogical as I looked down at the Captain who was usually so animated laying so still. He did not care for me any why would he react like this to my ending of our ill thought out romantic involvement.

Soon I was submerged in his mind it was so strange the once vibrant spaces of his mind where now a dead and dying environment the only place that had any life was the tiniest corner of his mind I made my way towards it slowly my heart aching in pain for what My Jim was going through. No not my Jim, The Captain as I entered what looked like a small room I was instantly shocked it was filled with images of myself and the Cap...Jim. In the middle of the room sat a small boy watching the images run through.

"Hello I'm Jim Kirk." He said with a bright smile.

"Hello Captain." I said, his smile instantly vanishing.

"Go away Spock." He said sounding old and tired like the whole world was his enemy. "Go back to Uhura."

"I cannot Captain until you return." I say again trying to reason with him.

"Why should I go back?" He asked bitterly. "What is there to go back too? You and Uhura making mushy eyes at one another, the pain...the constant pain?" He asked the walls of the room dimming and cracking.

"Jim...Jim please calm down, if you continue like this you will die." I say.

Jim's eyes light up and a mirthless smile come to his face. "Really?" He asks.

"Yes." I answer unsure whether or not telling him that was a good idea but I disregard this thought because it was illogical.

"Good." He said with a scowl, "There is nothing to live for, nothing."

"What about Doctor McCoy, the crew of the Enterprise and the Enterprise herself?" I ask slightly shocked that he could think that he could simply die and that it wouldn't affect anything.

"What about Bones?" He asked with a sigh. "The only one I want to want me _is you._"

"I find you a proficient Captain and would find it bothersome to have to amend to the Captaincy of another; it is also illogical to continue with this act of foolishness." I said sternly.

"Foolishness?" He asked with a sad sob a few tears escaping his eyes. "This is not foolishness, this is my heart breaking and the shards being crushed in the dirt this is my one and only love telling me that it would be _bothersome _to have to _amend to the Captaincy of another _and it's also _illogical to continue with this act of foolishness, _well guess what Spock humans are illogical and the only person I want to love and want me wouldn't really care if I DIED!"

"I….." I said before Jim cut me off.

"NO! I LOVE YOU! Goddamn it Spock I love you and you don't care you are the only person I have ever really love and you screwed me over, you took what I had to offer and then you broke up with me, but you didn't even have the balls to tell me yourself you let me walk in and see you making out with her, and I can't seem to stop loving you, I tried to lose myself in another but I threw up before it went further than kissing THREW UP! And we aren't even together anymore but I couldn't cheat on you!" he screamed, he fell to his knees and began to cry. "Why Spock, what did I do wrong? How did I screw up?"

I stood there shocked I thought that he didn't care, that he was just sleeping with me till he found something better wasn't he?

"No Spock I wasn't I was in it for the long haul till death do us part." He said with a weary sigh. I stared at him unable to say anything.

"Just go Spock, Let me live these last few hours in peace." He said with a choked sob.

"I just can't you are an invaluable piece of this ship and Starfleet." I said, still trying wrap my head around the idea that he loved me.

"GET OUT!" He yelled before I was forcefully ejected from his mind.

"Well?" The good doctor asked as soon as I opened my eyes, I took a deep breath before speaking. "He doesn't want to come back doctor."

"Why the hell does he not want to come back?" He asked.

"He has suffered great distress when we …..broke up." I said eventually thinking about what had happened in Jim's mind.

"Of course he did, you were his first relationship _ever_." McCoy said with a scowl.

"His first?" I asked again the news not really sinking in.

"Yes you idget." McCoy said with a glare.

"I will attempt another mindmeld." I say quietly pressing my fingers to the side of his face.

There was some resistance but I gently pushed past it.

"Jim?" I asked hesitantly opening the door to the room where he had been before.

"Yeah Spock?" He asked looking up at me from the floor where he was sitting cross-legged surrounded by memories of us.

"I…..I love you, you are my T'hy'la, I thought that you didn't want me in a long term relationship only a short affair." I said hesitantly not at all myself.

"Really Spock you really love me?" He asked him with wide eyes.

"Really Jim." I said with a wave of the emotion I believe to be happiness.

He smiled and got up throwing himself into my arms and kissing me.


End file.
